1015) Looking through the newsfeed on FB I am very much envy of those who have picture perfect friendships and doing great things about their life. Envying doesn’t do the cut I suppose. I kept on wondering how come I can never get those “friendship” thing like others do.
I often come close to a friend and realize they’re just phonies that leech on you cause they’re in shit and when you dug hard to get them out of it they just leave you. Maybe I’m just saying this cause I feel lonely or empty. I have “friends” but I feel sick of being the initiator, trying to please them, trying to make someone like me. I try hard to not make them feel I’m needy, I put up a strong front so I wont get hurt. I just do not know what to do at this point now. Is it because of me that things had turn out this way? Why do I always have to be the one who initiates? Why when I think about who I have to count on, the only person I h ave is the boyfriend? If things ended with the boyfriend.. who am I gonna turn to?